December 31, 2019

There’s so much to reflect on this year. I’ve survived so much more than I thought I’d ever be able to handle, and I’ve managed to learn so much in the process. Truly it’s been hard to trust god and his plan for my future but I’m glad he’s been able to navigate me through the rough waters. Looking forward to so much in 2020.

5 things I was thankful I learned in 2019:

  1. How important family is
  2. Look to the light at the end of the tunnel
  3. Trust the process
  4. Stop and smell the flowers, it’s worth it
  5. Be thankful for everything in life

December 30, 2019

Does anyone else feel compelled to clean every corner/counter/closet in your house before the year ends? That’s been me, my mom always told us it was bad juju to go into a new year with a dirty house. I spent my day yesterday deep cleaning our carpets; today since I got off work early I rushed home to put together the rest of my room then I started to clean the pantry and kitchen downstairs. Like you guys, there is not one single piece of clothing sitting on the floor of my closet right now, how crazy is that?

To be honest, I love the idea of a new year and starting over with new beginnings. Do you guys do new years resolutions? Or is that a thing of the past? I feel like there are a lot of people out there saying they don’t do resolutions anymore because it sets them up for failure. I don’t feel that way though, I always set one or two big goals for myself to try and do during the year. Mine this year was to learn to cherish things and to live in the moment. I feel like I did a pretty good job at doing just that.

Five things I am grateful for today are:

  1. filtered/bottled water; something we need in order to live but literally take for granted because we don’t really have to think twice about clean water
  2. not having to hunt for my food, being able to go to a grocery store and buy whatever i want whenever i want
  3. having air conditioning/heater
  4. modern medicine and healthcare (even though there are a lot of problems in the US healthcare system, I am still thankful to live in a day and age where it exists and things continue to advance)
  5. growing up with parent’s who gave me the world

December 29th

oops I did it again, I’ve totally been in some weird time warp these past couple of days and haven’t managed to be able to get anything done really. I actually saw a facebook post the other day that summed up the phenomenon perfectly, “It’s the period between Christmas and New Year. No one knows what day it is. Time doesn’t really exist. Can we start drinking at 10am? Why not. Existence is a confusion.” Seriously though, I’ve barely managed to make it to work on time then I get home eat dinner and go right to bed because I’m exhausted. To make things worse during this time warp I’ve had a killer migraine that has somehow managed to come and go for 2-3 days. I was going to try and make up for the lost time and come up with a longer list today but y’all I’m just really struggling.

Some times I am grateful for today:

  1. Excedrin Migraine
  2. Coffee scented candles
  3. Sweet tea, because Hello Texan here
  4. smart phones because everything is always at the touch of my finger tips
  5. big purses that can hold a lot of snacks haha
  6. having the ability to go anywhere i want anytime i want
  7. living in the day and age where I can literally call and talk to my loved ones whenever I want
  8. days where I am in a cleaning mood
  9. portable phone chargers because my phone is always dying
  10. headphones so i can listen to music as loud as i want

December 26, 2019

I’m not sure what it was, maybe post food coma from yesterday or maybe it’s just been one long week prepping for the holiday; but boy am I exhausted. Today came and went in a blink of an eye and I’m not even sure how I survived. Seriously the amount of times I yawned was countless, but things were so busy at work I didn’t even get a chance to really drink my coffee before it cooled off and I ended up having to throw it away. And to be honest my bed has been calling my name since I left it at 7 o’clock this morning, so I’m gonna try and wrap this post up and get to snoozing.

Some things I was grateful for today:

  1. The snooze button on alarm clocks
  2. The smell of coffee in the morning
  3. Taking warm showers to wake myself up
  4. Kindle, getting to read a book whenever wherever
  5. Whoever invented smoothies, such a yummy go food/drink

December 25, 2019

Merry Christmas Friends! Really hope everyone got to spend some time with their loved ones, and enjoy the holidays.

I can’t believe the holiday season is officially over and we are now moving toward the countdown into 2020. So many things to reflect on for this year, so many different lessons I’ve learned. I know one things for sure though, I would not have been able to make it this far without my family.

Five things I am thankful for today are:

  1. Holiday memories with my family and friends
  2. Presents from loved ones
  3. Family traditions
  4. Laughter
  5. Eating til my stomach’s full

Christmas Eve

It really doesn’t feel like tomorrow is going to be Christmas. For one, Texas decided our high is going to be 72 degrees so it definitely does not feel like winter. Second, my nephews and nieces are all at the age where they no longer believe in Santa so I’m not needing to bake cookies or hide presents downstairs. Missing the times when they still believed in the magic of Christmas. Also just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas Eve and hope you’ve all made it into Santa’s good list!

5 things I am thankful for today:

  1. Warm hugs
  2. Memories of the good times
  3. Being an aunt
  4. Christmas Eve sleepovers
  5. Cozy pjs

December 23, 2019

We have this picture of my mom from a several years ago in our living room, she’s smiling and genuinely happy. That’s how I want to remember her, as the bubbly silly woman she was. But looking at that picture tonight I feel like I almost forgot the pain she suffered, and deep down that kind of hurt. Not because I necessarily want to remember the pain, but I don’t want to forget anything about her… not one single detail, I want to hold onto all of the memories good or bad… I hate that feeling in my stomach when I feel like I’ve forgotten every detail to her face or the sound of her voice. As I sit here teary eyed I realized I didn’t forget any of those details, I’ve sort of pushed them to the back of my mind as a coping mechanism because I am not ready to face my reality that she is never going to come back to us. I know that’s ridiculous for me to say because its been over five months, but it’s the honest truth. I still don’t know how I am going to live the rest of my life without my mom. So I sit here scrolling through my phone to find the last pictures of her I took, even at her worst she still tried so hard to smile and live her life to the fullest. She really was a phenomenal woman.

We’ll switch it up a little bit tonight, five lessons I learned from my mom that I am thankful for today:

  1. Create a life you’ll love to live
  2. Be fearless and have courage to follow your dreams
  3. Choose happiness above all things
  4. Don’t hold onto things that do not bring you joy
  5. Persist through life’s challenges because you aren’t made to be broken

December 22, 2019

Proud of myself for finally finishing Christmas shopping. Also proud of myself for staying productive and getting everything wrapped and under the tree tonight too. Even had some extra time to spend with my second family, today was pretty good. Now it’s time to sit back relax and try to figure out the type of cookies to bake, any suggestions?

Five things I am thankful for today are:

  1. my cousin who made me some delicious vegan chili for dinner
  2. my boyfriend and his family for taking me in as their own
  3. high energy productive days
  4. Sunshine and warmth in the winter
  5. Big warm sweaters

December 21, 2019

4 days til Christmas, can you believe it? I mean are you guys even done shopping yet? I’m not, I have a few more people to go but at this point I’m really considering throwing in the towel and buying gift cards. What I did manage to do is wrap the gifts I already got and place them under the tree though, it looks real nice! Does anyone else find gift wrapping to be kind of therapeutic? With the amount of mental breakdowns I’ve been having lately it was refreshing to focus on something other than the thoughts in my head.

5 things I grateful for today are:

  1. The ability to get takeout from restaurants (that Olive Garden really hit the spot tonight)
  2. Having free time to spend with family
  3. Moments to myself
  4. The knowledge I’ve gained through past experiences
  5. Good company/conversation

Things have been challenging lately, these posts have really given me the opportunity to reflect and be more appreciative of my surroundings.

December 20, 2019

I’ve had a handful of mental breakdowns this past week. I think it has to do with all the life changes happening and the holiday being around the corner, it’s making me really just miss my mom. What I mean is more than the usual amounts of missing her. Time’s moving by so quickly and one thing that makes me feel somewhat guilty is how I’m able to live without her…

But that’s the whole point of all of this, right? Learning to live without her? I mean after all there’s nothing anyone can do to make her come back… Trying to stay positive can be extremely difficult sometimes, but I can’t stop my progress. Momma didn’t raise a quitter. Sooo five things I have grateful for today:

  1. The time I had with my mom
  2. Having an amazing mom to look up to
  3. For who I am because of my parents
  4. Time healing my wounds
  5. God & Mom always looking out for me